When emotional intelligence (EQ) first became common, it was thought to be the missing link in a strange finding: people with average IQs outperformed those with the highest IQs 70% of the time. This anomaly threw a wrench in the widely held belief that IQ was the sole determinant of success. Emotional intelligence is the intangible “everything” that each of us possesses. It has an effect on how we handle our actions, deal with social complexities, and make personal choices in order to achieve positive outcomes.
- You adapt and grow with change. People who are emotionally intelligent are adaptable and versatile. They understand the fear of change paralyzes them and poses a significant threat to their prosperity and happiness. They look for progress that is just around the corner and devise a strategy for dealing with it if it occurs.
- You are self aware of your strengths and weaknesses. People who are emotionally intelligent not only understand feelings, but they also know what they are good at and what they are bad at. They also understand who irritates them and the conditions (both circumstances and people) that allow them to succeed. Having a high EQ means you understand your strengths and how to maximize them while not allowing your weaknesses to hold you back.
- You discern people’s character accurately. When you know who you are, it’s difficult for someone to say or do something that irritates you. Emotionally intelligent people have a thick skin because they are self-assured and open-minded. Since you can psychologically draw the line between humour and deterioration, you can also make fun of yourself or allow others to make jokes about you.
- You are ok with saying ‘no’ sometimes. Knowing how to regulate one’s emotions is referred to as emotional intelligence. You postpone gratification and make rash decisions. Many people struggle with self-control when it comes to saying no, but “No” is a strong term that you should not be afraid to use. Emotionally intelligent people resist phrases like “I don’t think I should” or “I’m not sure” when it’s time to say no. Saying no to a new commitment respects your previous commitments and allows you to complete them successfully.
- You give instead of take. The idea of giving vs taking (I have a video on this), is something that many people don’t understand. It is the key to success both socially, personally and financially. When anyone gives you anything without expecting something in return, it leaves a lasting impression on you. For example, you could have an interesting conversation with someone about a book, and then you show up with the book in hand when you see them again a month later. Since they are continually concerned about others, emotionally intelligent people form close relationships.
- You know how to forgive and let go of grudges. Holding on to a grudge triggers negative feelings, which are simply a stress reaction. Simply recalling the incident triggers your body’s fight-or-flight response, a survival mechanism that causes you to fight or flee when confronted with a challenge. Keeping a grudge is the same as holding a grudge, and emotionally intelligent people stop it at all costs. Not only does letting go of a grudge make you feel better now, but it can also benefit your health.
- You accept imperfection. Since they understand that perfection does not exist, emotionally intelligent people will not set perfection as their goal. Human beings are, by definition, fallible. When success is your target, you’ll always feel like you’ve failed, and you’ll want to give up or reduce your effort. Instead of looking forward, optimistic for what you’ve accomplished and what you’ll achieve in the future, you end up lamenting what you didn’t accomplish and what you might have done differently.
- You stop negative self talk. I will make a post on this topic in a later date. You give negative thoughts more strength the more you ruminate on them. The majority of our negative thoughts are just that–thoughts. It’s just the brain’s innate propensity to interpret threats when it seems like something happens all the time or never (inflating the frequency or severity of an event). Emotionally intelligent individuals are able to distinguish their emotions from reality in order to break the cycle of negativity and adopt a different, more optimistic attitude.
- You are thankful for what you have. Taking time to reflect about what you’re thankful for isn’t just the right thing to do; it also boosts the attitude by lowering cortisol, the stress hormone (in some cases by 23 percent). People who work everyday to maintain an attitude of appreciation report enhanced mood, motivation, and physical well-being, according to research conducted at the University of California, Davis. Lower cortisol levels are likely to play a major role in this.
- You know how to deal with toxic people. For the most part, dealing with challenging people is stressful and exhausting. However, people with a high EQ can manage their relationships with toxic people by holding their emotions in check. When faced with a toxic human, they take a logical approach to the situation. They recognize their own feelings and don’t let anger or resentment add to the chaos. They often understand the viewpoint of the difficult individual and are willing to come up with ideas and common ground. Even when things are totally out of control, emotionally intelligent people will take the toxic person with a grain of salt in order to avoid allowing him or her to tear them down.
In conclusion, making note of these attributes and figuring out how to apply them in your life will help you improve and form new relationships, including with yourself. Working on enhancing your emotional intelligence, regardless of your behavioral style, allows you to completely monitor your own well-being and have a positive effect on others.
